Category Archives: Singleness and Marriedness

When I got married last May, I chose to take my husband's last name. I want to explain that decision. But most of all, I want to affirm that choosing how to deal with the tradition of a woman taking her husband's last name is, in fact, a decision. A woman does not have to take her husband's last name any more than he has to take hers. At the same time, all of the alternatives have their own disadvantages and complications. I am all for people who choose to take on those complications in the [ continue reading ... ]

2016 was rough. It seems weird to say that about the year I got married. It's especially weird to say that since when people ask me how our "married life" is going, I can honestly say being married to Tom is the best part of my life right now. Sure, it's been an adjustment--and I've had my own personal struggles with change and identity--but our transition together has thus far been remarkably smooth. I mostly chalk that smooth transition up to two things: one, he is incredibly gracious and patient, [ continue reading ... ]

The English language is missing some words. For instance, there are gender-neutral terms for a grandmother or grandfather (grandparent) and for a brother or sister (sibling) but no categorical term for aunt and uncle or niece and nephew. At the same time, there's no gender-specific term for cousin (while other languages do have a term). This has always bothered me. Recently, I realized another word that's missing. The other day, I was trying to explain and how I'm trying to figure out how [ continue reading ... ]

I'm all for thoughtful conversation. I'm also all for challenging others' preconceptions--in the context of a personal relationship or an appropriate platform. But many times, you just have to let things go.  I seem to be doing this more than usual lately. Probably, the "more than usual" is because I'm planning a wedding. While I encounter these situations somewhat regularly in regards to issues I'm passionate about (like education, mental/emotional struggles, singleness, or Christianity), [ continue reading ... ]

As a single person, bridal showers bothered me. Actually, the excessive gift-giving associated with weddings in general bothered me. As I scrimped and struggled along on my own, the contrast between my own experience and the outpouring of material resources to couples was striking. Usually, it didn't make me angry. It mostly just hurt a lot. It hurt that following a socially expected path (getting married) meant people gave you gifts, but if you weren't getting married, you were on your own--in [ continue reading ... ]

  Dearest Readers, I am getting married in the spring. While there is much of my specific personal life that I keep separate from my blog, this is a life event I do not want to pass without me directly addressing you about it. I have written some of my most popular posts from my perspective as a single person. I have also written many posts about the ways the church and society’s emphasis on marriage is damaging to people and relationships of all kinds. So, I want to be honest about [ continue reading ... ]

If you follow me on facebook and twitter, you may have seen a piece I shared by Jayson D. Bradley. I neglected to mention it on my blog at the time, but I greatly appreciate and resonate with the piece. I also think it's great that Jayson wrote it as a married person (AKA a person). There are a handful of wonderful single Christian writers (AKA writers) out there addressing single issues with courage and dignity, but it's rare that a married Christian writer thoughtfully addresses the single [ continue reading ... ]

Wow. There has been a LOT of talk about marriage lately. Between the Supreme Court decision about same-sex marriage* and the rush of summer wedding ceremonies*, it seems like everywhere you turn, there's someone loudly declaring their belief in the divine/magical relationship that is the union of marriage. And so I feel compelled, once again, to remind us all: Marriage is a human relationship--nothing more, nothing less. (Throughout this post, I linked to several of my past pieces, in addition [ continue reading ... ]

About a month ago, I mentioned I was working on some long-term projects, and so I might not be posting on my blog as often.  But now one of those long-term projects sparked an issue for me, and I want to address it. The project I'm working on is for a collaborative book project on singleness, and my chapter is about realizing that you are an adult and a whole person, regardless of marital status. As I wrote, I began to think about one way we contribute to single people thinking the opposite [ continue reading ... ]

Converge Magazine just put up my latest piece, which also happens to be one of my all-time favorites: Why I Won’t Wear White on My Wedding Day. My reasons are numerous, from the fact that the so-called “tradition” is not as long-rooted as you might think, to the way it contributes to the bride-as-property mentality, to the fact that I just plain don’t want to… but read it to find out more!